The last months of this year is very heart breaking, I never thought I would feel this kind of depression. I am not used to this and I hate this happening with the person i love the most. Everything was fine and smooth until someone made a very bad mistake, and that was me. Yes, it's me and I'm the one who blame with all these mixed emotions that I'm feeling.
Starting September, everything with me and Kenji started breaking. I cannot fathom why everything went wrong to us. We were so happy back then, everything was perfect until I started feeling "tampo" everytime and i don't know if it's right or wrong. I don't know i just miss being with my love every single day. We were so busy. I'm at work, he's at school. After my work, i go home and after his school, he'll hang out with friends. We never had our time alone and I guess that was the reason I felt so alone and sad. I am so weak. I should've let myself feel that kind of toxication. I was just really down ewan ko ba sobrang lungkot ko lang talaga 'nun miss ko lang siya eh. Ang tanga ko ayan nawala si Kenji :(
Then, another man came in the middle of the situation, and we became friends and I was confident that we will just be friends and nothing more than that. Unfortunately, we started talking everyday and what I thought is "Ay, ang saya parang may kuya na ako sa office pwede masbaihan ng problem pareho pa sila ni Kenji ng profession" but it was another way around. I don't know what happened to my stupid heart why I felt attached to this person as well as him. I tried not talking to him sabi ko pa nga "Love ko si kenji ayoko ayoko" but when I noticed that we were fighting frequently, I was really hurt. I was hurt and I've got no one to talk to except that guy. That's when the heart breaking happenings started. When we started talking and he started loving me and I also felt a little bit of that. </3 Hay, sobrang sisi.
I don't want to write more about this. All i know is that, I miss Kenji. I miss him so much and I am very very sorry because I was not strong enough to fight for our relationship. (naiiyak ako) I want everything to be back but I don;t want to go back if it's not whole-heartedly and if there's still someone in my heart also.
I love you, Kenji. I love you so much. I know you don't believe that anymore but please believe me when I say that you're my life, my other half. I want everything that's happening to me, i want it to be with you and only you. I know this is not our year, I hope we'll still have a chance to be together again, not now, but maybe soon! I understand if you will be in love with someone else and I admit that i will be very hurt and jealous. Wala e, tanga ko eh hinayaan ko sarili ko magkagusto sa iba.
Hayy, i'll be writing everything here. If this is the only way to talk to kenji, i will. I will update everything and express my love to him :)
I LOVE YOU KENJI! I MISS YOU! <3
KENJI LOVE LOVE <3
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